I did not know I was autistic until age 47, my step mom and 7 year older step sister never seemed to know what to do with me, I was not a social butterfly, I was an honor roll student in advanced classes in high school, planning to go to college, straight edged: no drinking, drugs, and had not dated. My step sister meanwhile got pregnant at 16 and ended up in an abusive marriage and I ended up taking care of her three kids so she could stalk her husband at bars.
By college, I cut about 6 inches off, still relied on the half pony tail, but it was easier to manage, tangled less. My husband and I cut each other’s hair and I cut my own at home during college to save money, as broke ass college students I had a hard time justifying a cut when all I wanted was a trim. I went shorter, to a chin length bob, and really liked it. It was easier to manage took less time to wash or dry.
After college, I went full on pixie cut, and maintained it myself. I found a Sally’s, and bought some nice reds and bleach and when I got bored I’d dye or bleach my hair blonder or red.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
My mom was never good at it, and as an opioid addict, Dad got custody when they divorced in my 15th year. I had no one willing to help me learn. Mom would roughly brush my hair and toss it into pigtails or a ponytail. I now know the extreme tingling pains and discomfort that radiated from my scalp to my legs was sensory overload from all the extra autistic nerve endings freaking out, but I was just smacked and told to sit still.
It’s hair. It can look ok, but spending hours on it never made sense to me less it’s an updo for prom, and my massive chunk of hair made that stylist freak out junior year. I don’t have a lot of time or energy devote to it at 47, while chronically ill. Is it mostly flat and parted correctly? Ok. Does it need a moment with the flat iron brush? Ok. Am I bkred with the color or want to cover some of the creeping grey? Ok. Is it too hot, too heavy, getting too long? Time to trim before my shower.
And that’s it, that’s the amount if effort hair deserves for me. Wash it, brush it. Done.
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I’m back to maintaining it since covid, have a straightener brush, and that’s me styling it, maybe some dry shampoo if it’s hot out.
I grew it back out to the bob, and have kept it here for a while. I had a friend who was awesome at cutting it, she understood how to remove the extra weight and cut it so it ‘laid correctly’ and did a newt red/blonde dye scheme I loved. But she had a special needs child right before the lock downs, and moved, and had a lot going on so bugging her about my hair seemed vapid and rude.
I hate loose ponytails, but tight ones can cause migraines, my hair is heavy and pulls on my scalp. Most days it was a half ponytail, with bangs, and I hide behind my hair from people. I felt safer behind bangs. I had been teased in elementary school one time my mom got tired of my hair and chopped it all of very short, made fun of for looking like a boy, so I kept it about shoulder blade long, afraid any shorter I’d be super ugly and boyish. This was in the 1990s, this was not something people sought back then.
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I have very thick wavy ash blond hair. My hair has broken brushes, and barrettes.
No friends would help me curl or style it, I had too much hair and they got bored, overwhelmed by it. I had one nice girl at summer camp who’d do French braids for other girls, that was my favorite but I could never get the knack for it.
